Am I Awake, Sleepwalking, or Dreaming? Who is in Charge?

Throughout the time my mind wandered I followed the flow of words and sounds that filled the internet. These words and sounds were my escape.

I kept seeing messages about sleeping, dreaming, and being awake. These messages were confusing. There appeared to be opposing schools of thought. One view stated that you had to turn inward to be fully awake, and the other view stated that you had to turn outward and engage with the world around you to be awake.

So, I began to question whether I was awake or whether I was sleeping. At times I felt as if I was sleepwalking, stuck in a state between sleep and wakefulness. I began to wonder if my mind did travel while I slept. Did I have another existence on another plane of reality? Could I be two people, each one on a different side of a coin, living parallel lives in two different worlds? Maybe I was the unconscious side, not fully living, while my twin was on the conscious side living a richer, fuller life.

I would awake many mornings with ideas that seemed as if I had picked them up on a journey to the other side of the coin and brought them back with me into my waking world. These ideas would drive my day for awhile until my conscious self became involved with the living, breathing world around me.

I saw messages about your thoughts being able to change your world. It did seem that my reality was more malleable than I had previously thought possible.

Then I began to study the eyes of people around me, and the eyes of people on the internet. I’m not sure what I was looking for, however, I did begin to see differences. Some eyes appeared to be in a state of rigidity, lacking natural movement and depth. Were these people travelers from the other side? I even wondered if they had been modified in some way.

Finally, I realized that I had to make a choice. For my sanity’s sake I had to choose to believe that I was on the conscious side, and engaging with the real people around me in my world would make my side the fuller and richer side of life. Wakefulness was a state of mind, and not so much a place. I took control by defining the reality that I would live.

Mind control is a powerful weapon, and my spiritual guide helped me to realize that I was the person in control of my destiny. The words and sounds that flowed past in the deluge of media were attempts by others to control my mind and the mind of others. We become products of our environment, so we must consciously choose what we will expose our minds to. Our brain waves are vulnerable.

This past week I have felt more awake than I have in the past two years. Watching the young and eager eyes of Isaiah, Elijah, and Josiah, expressing the joy of learning, helped me to realize that this is the environment I need to feel truly awake and alive.

I am now sleeping peacefully at night, and I am now in control of my own dreams. I am also in control of the dreams I hold for my future. I will never again be shamed into thinking that my life is any less valuable than anyone else.