Aftermath

I can’t stop expressing my emotions. It’s like I’m a leaky faucet that can’t turn off. Today I saw the word ‘ditto’, and it depressed me a little because sometimes I feel that the world is a series of dittos, and that includes me. One big repetitive recycling machine. Information ‘in’ spits information ‘out’ and this goes on and on.

The numbers in my head are being replaced with a gush or gash of feelings. Today I picked up a calculator as if I was trying to summon back a friend/enemy (frenemy) Even bad habits can give comfort at times.

After lunch a feeling of fatigue swept over me. I was up a little later than normal last night. After looking around the classroom, I could see that I was not alone in this sleepy feeling. I think the idea of an afternoon siesta is based more on a biological need than an act of self-indulgence.

I can’t seem to shake the feeling that my history has already been written, and that I’m simply reenacting it now for whatever reason (I’m not sure). These are the thoughts that I have when I’m alone. When I help others I can shift my attention off myself, and the morose feelings fade.

I left work a little early so that I could lay down for a nap. The restorative effect can be amazing. I did have several odd dreams. I sometimes think we humans need our sleep in order to reset our emotions back closer to a default state or factory setting. Lack of sleep can literally drive us crazy.

For the most part I am okay and feeling more and more like my old self. However, this past two years has deeply changed me, and my interface with the world around me has been enhanced, and my insight is deeper now.