Near the end of August of this year I had a dream so powerful and vivid it has been hard to understand its full meaning until now.
In this dream my vision was very narrowly focused, and my range was very short. I remember hearing a beating sound, or a low rumble. It was hard to distinguish its source. I sensed that there were cloaked figures moving around me, though I couldn’t see any faces. Above me moving toward me I saw a glowing fibrous seed. It was shaped like a valentine heart, and it was 3-dimensional and it looked as if it were throbbing. There was a bright red light glowing within it. I reached out my hand to touch it, and it was placed in my palm. I was startled to feel its warmth. I don’t ever remember sensing heat within an actual dream, and come to think of it, I don’t ever remember seeing such a vivid color of red.
Within my hand this warm fibrous glowing heart continued to pulse, and then I woke up, and all the visions were gone. All I was left with were my own questions.
I knew I had to document this dream and mark it in time for myself. I went online trying to find an image of a heart that was like the one in my dream. The closest thing I could find was the picture of the Cherry wood Celtic heart I posted to my Twitter account. It stands as a reminder and a symbol of this dream. Though, the heart in my dream was very different and much more alive.
I chose the Celtic heart because all the knot-work reminded me of all the intertwining fibers of the heart in my dream. I also chose the Cherry wood because I saw the heart in my dream as a seed to something else. A seed that had future potential.
I now see the heart from my dream as a joining of hearts. It had felt as if my heart had been taken out and then given back to me with a living breathing connection to a higher power that I choose to see as God’s power. It is a forever connection that spans time and space. This is not a connection of physical mass, but a connection of sheer energy.
We all have the power to be naturally gifted with God’s love. We just need to search our soul to find it.
A couple of weeks after this dream I was at work looking out the window at a courtyard of trees, and I was inspired to start this blog. In a way I think the seed heart had given me the idea and confidence to start my very own tree of thoughts.
I had written a book once before over many, many months. I printed it out and mailed it off in a box to my sister. I wanted to get her opinion, thoughts, and advice. She had gone off to Stanford University with a perfect score of 5 on her English Advanced Placement exam. So, I respected her opinion, even though she had ended up with a B.S. and M.S. in engineering.
I never did hear back from her. I asked her about it a few times, and she always had some excuse, and I never knew whether she read any of it. Finally, I stopped asking.
Even if it was spectacularly bad, I would have appreciated and understood constructive criticism and feedback. Looking back on it now, I know that the subject was cliche, and my words were probably painfully plain. I no longer have a copy of this book, and I doubt my sister kept her copy. Her lack of response just reinforced in my mind my position of low woman on the family totem pole. But this was my problem of confidence, and not hers.
Fortunately time and age has tempered my disappointment. My sister and I each have our own lives. She lives far south of me. I still love her and I hold hopes of reconnecting with her in the future. Unfortunately, she was only able to come back for 4 days during the time between my father’s death and mother’s death. She has not been back since then. I think that I’ll have to travel to see her one day.
I now believe that the seed heart in my dream was a symbolic gift to myself with God’s blessing. It gives me permission and confidence to write down my thoughts. This tree of thoughts is for me.
Update 07/22/2024: I wrote this a long time ago. Recently I rediscovered the cherry wood heart that I purchased long ago. I have never worn it since it is not really my style in jewelry. I still treasure it because it is a reminder of how powerful dreams can appear. Here is a quick cell phone picture of it today.
movingforwardslowly 