(I’m on holiday break right now. In my attempts to clean up the clutter in my sitting room, I can’t ignore the notebooks full of frantic writing. I started filling notebooks around the summer of 2013 when my life and mind were shattered. I haven’t yet decided what I’m going to do with them, though, I was inspired to write this poem today to give you a flavor of their contents.)
Barely There
Chasing other’s expectations, running out of breath, never questioning the route, never stopping to explore the hidden motives, I had lost my essence, my passion, my true value.
I was barely there.
When everything began to break apart I was nothing but liquid smoke clinging to my hollow frame. My mind went haywire, bouncing off everyone else’s thoughts and dreams.
I desperately needed to recollect my scattered mind. Their tentacles had reached into my brain trying to unnerve me. They found my weakness, my taboo thoughts that had been locked away. Though it was I who had unwittingly opened the door. I dared to play this mind game that nearly claimed my soul.
The dark woods beckoned, and my weakness followed. My mind quivered with anticipation. My body was drawn into the quicksand of my dreams. Space and time were frozen where I had dared to go.
I was barely there.
I’ve finally found my way back home. I’m still learning to contain and control my errant thoughts. I’ll eventually decide what I’m going to do with all my scattered frantic notes. For now they can sit and fill the space of an old antique chair.
movingforwardslowly 