Uncategorized – Page 19 – movingforwardslowly

Changing Seasons

Through my kitchen window the Dwarf Papyrus, growing in a large pot and glowing with the warmth of the late afternoon sun, catches my attention.

It is a grass-like reed plant native to Africa. The giant ancestors of this hybrid Dwarf Papyrus were used to make the first writing paper in ancient Egypt.

The one catching my attention now looks so glorious as summer ends. It will not survive our winter here in Virginia. It would have to be brought inside to stay alive. I am not a year-round gardener, so this Papyrus life will end.

In my garden behind this Dwarf Papyrus grows the white Beautyberry bush. The long arching delicate limbs drape downward, carrying the weight of all its berries.

It will survive the winter in Virginia. Throughout the fall and winter the berries will slowly disappear as the cardinal couple that lives nearby will perch precariously as they try hard to balance their bodies long enough to snatch the berries.

Come spring the barren limbs should be pruned. New fresh growth will slowly emerge. A new season full of promise will begin.

Katharsis

They filled her head with snakes and likened her to the gorgon Medusa from Greek mythology. They boldly attacked her by invading her mind and setting up sentries to monitor her thoughts.

They felt certain they could drive her mind to rave and roil in waves of a poisoned broth. Bystanders turned their backs on her in a deafening silence. When she walked by they would cast their eyes down, not wanting to admit their compliance with her enemy’s deceit.

She struggled with sleepless nights, and tears of shame and doubt and self-loathing. When she succumbed to sleep the dark matter ghosts rode her brain waves searching for the beast within her, and searching for her deepest fears. All her inhibitions fell away until she was left naked and abandoned in a desert heat.

Slowly self-survival awoke within her. She began to see the mind games for what they were. She began to understand that there was an unstoppable spirit within her, and she began to listen intently to its unspoken words. Her confidence in her inner voice strengthened as she began to cast out her doubts and fears, and these invading demons. Her self-worth began to grow as she felt her personal power grow.

She realized that she alone, by sheer will, could pull her mind to higher ground away from the chaos caused by all the disparaging remarks and callous actions of those around her. She set herself free from all the negative chain reactions.

Her spirit was renewed within herself as she grabbed hold of these invading snakes and cast them out. They all began to fall away and wither. Peace and Purity are now her guardians.

Late Summer Garden Update

This morning the air had a little nip in it. A light jacket was needed for comfort. The cooler days of fall are just around the corner.

The zucchini that was taking over one of the new raised garden beds is gone. I ripped it out last evening. The red swan snap beans and French nickel filet green beans were being crowded out and over shadowed. The zucchini was planted there on a whim. I have learned a lesson.

Several different types of beans was my goal from the start. This goal was the inspiration for having two raised beds built this summer. The second raised bed houses three other types of beans: two waxed yellow and one green Roma. This is my first bean experiment. The long beans forming from the flowers demonstrates the beauty of life on a small and simple scale.

Vegetables have never been a part of my garden until this summer. My garden’s past has been filled with flowers, shrubs, and a pond for growing water lilies and other aquatic plants. Many have survived the years and are still here.

A very old lilac shrub had been allowed to grow beyond my control. It was finally sacrificed for the new raised beds. The spot is sunny which the beans require.

I have not yet photographed the beans. I will do this when they are ready to harvest.

I have not given up on growing zucchini. It will need its own separate larger space away from the beans. This morning I was already thinking about next summer and where I might be able to grow more vegetables.

In the meantime, the blue mist shrub and the goldenrod, are providing some late summer color.

Lingering Thoughts…

My roller coaster of mental impulses continues to flatten. As each day passes I am becoming more convinced that an outside agent had been working upon me.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I have been able to regain control of my mind, though residual habits are the hardest things to break and leave behind.

My mind’s way of thinking has been forever changed. The madness has left its mark, its scar, written in the recesses of my memory.

I have made it through the fire and fear. My resolve and my will have risen from the ruin and taken charge once again.

Now I feel calmly sane. Rational thoughts are over-riding a few remnant strains of crazy.

Recently I was reading a *book of fiction* about virus vectors that can change our DNA. This idea has latched onto my nagging feeling that my mental instability was caused by another person’s intent to harm me.

I know this is illogical and a possible motive is hard to fathom. I will not pursue these thoughts, even though they linger.

The *book of fiction* was INFERNO written by Dan Brown.

Genuine Four Leaf Clover

The clover you see above was identified by the U.S. Department of Agriculture as a White Dutch Clover.

It is different from a Shamrock. Shamrocks only have three leaves.

The fourth leaf of this white Dutch Clover is believed to make it a symbol of luck.

Long ago this one was placed on card stock, pressed securely under glass, and placed in a wooden frame.

I have had this little framed four leaf clover on a corner of my vanity for a long time.

The sun from the bathroom window has sadly faded the vibrant green it used to show.

Today I looked at it with new eyes and decided that I really should put it away.

I kept it there for so long because it was from my mother-in-law. I also liked the idea that it was a symbol of luck.

Today I am old enough to know that this is a foolish romantic thought. I’m superstitous enough to not throw it away, and this too is foolish.

In the wild they live and die and feed the soil for new generations. No luck is lost.

Moving Forward is Required

UBQ-

Moving forward is required; though, looking back can be fun, as long as we don’t get lost in the dreams of yesterday.

Today is now and yesterday is past. To be awake requires staying in the year 2020 and moving onward.

This picture is a fun look back. The people are my sister, her boyfriend and his two friends, and me.

We were on a short trip from Palo Alto, California to Acapulco, Mexico. Her boyfriend had his own plane and pilot’s license.

The location was the UBQ nightclub, and the year was 1979.

We were drinking a lot of champagne that evening, and I got to feeling sick. The emergency remedy was an alka-seltzer in the ladies room. It was my first time taking this medication, and I plopped it in the water, and watched it fizz. It was a miracle relief for me. and I got to feeling better quickly. I was young and resilient. Everyone was relieved that the party could go on.

This glimpse back is a faded memory, and the only thing I remember really clearly is my miraculous first experience with an alka-seltzer tablet.

The picture is put away back into its box, and my life today moves on. I need to stay focused on the fact that I am older now, and my work is in the present, and my family needs me.

I have been feeling compelled recently to show this picture because my sister’s old boyfriend, named Aziz, reminds me of a famous local writer named David. I had a chance to hear this writer speak last year, and everytime I see his picture, I am reminded of Aziz.

It is strange how people in my present can remind me of people in my past. I guess we are all related in a human way.

Trojan Dust

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File.Dust_dancing_in_the_sunlight_Me_074c.jpg

If you look into a shaft of sunlight streaming

through a window,

you can see the dust floating and

hanging with the gaseous air.

They dance together in the sun.

With imagination you can hear their song.

In windless rooms the dust will settle.

If left alone, it will accumulate.

No surfaces will be spared.

Feather dusters, microfiber wipes, or any old rag

can be used to clear it away. This works

temporarily.

Dust is a formidable force.

It never stops. It comes back again and again.

No dust is ever lost.

Are we dust personified? Are we Trojan dust?

The Squirrels Have Returned

squirrelscamper-017

The other day before the storm I was looking out the bay window in our home.

I saw a baby squirrel scampering down one of the old cherry tree branches.

It reached the end of the limb, and looked up and saw me looking at it.

It scurried back to safety.

Today I saw three young squirrel friends running and jumping through the three red cedar trees along the fence.

It looked like they were playing follow the leader, or maybe, chase the leader.

I have not seen a squirrel nest among our treetops, though some nights I think I hear them in our attic.

I put my husband on their case. I did not hear them last night.

A Creative Life

Most of us want beauty in our lives.

The form this beauty takes varies from one extreme to another.

All our different definitions of beauty could fill an expanse wider than we could see with our naked eyes, and possibly our imagination.

Everything boils down to our own personal point of view, and our willingness to open our hearts.

Some views will be followed by a majority, and votes can always be bought, though this is not always the case.

Other views will have a small following, and this usually means a low budget, or no connections.

And some will be willfully shunned. And some cannot be seen by the human eye, which means little in the big picture.

Fortunately, beauty does not require an audience. It can exist outside of opinions.

Fantasy Versus Reality

Queendom-

As I listen to Nora Jones, Come Away with Me album, I am wondering where we could go.

I have been looking at old pictures of my garden over the years, and then looking out my kitchen window at the reality of my garden today. They are not the same by a long stretch.

I used to spend hour after hour out there lost in the heat and sweat, trying to create my fantasy garden. Back then I came very close to my ideal.

Today I cannot seem to resuscitate my old passion for gardening. I still love gardens, and I still love looking at fantasy gardens, I just don’t want to do it all by myself anymore. It was a lonely pursuit, and to tell you the truth, I was running away from my real life.

Yesterday, I finally went outside to do my first real garden work this season. This time I dragged my husband out there to help me. We pruned the laurel hedge that wraps around one side of our deck.

The pond today needs a lot of work to recreate the scene you see above. I am not sure I have it in me anymore. More importantly, I am not sure I care anymore. My care is needed inside these days. My priorities have shifted.

The people in my life need my time and attention now.

The fantasy garden that my soul needed back then held my hand and guided me through the hard times. Miraculously, after years of depression, and then mourning the death of my parents, I have come through it all, and I am now emotionally stronger than I have ever been.

My faith helps to hold me up. When I speak of faith, not only am I speaking about faith in an all powerful creator, but also a faith in myself to be able to connect with the gifts God has given me. I will continue to listen to his guidance. I will also continue to work with the reality in front of me.

If there is anyone out there reading this, I hope my story will encourage you to keep your faith in your ability to get through any hard times that your future might hold.