The Numbers Do Not Always Tell the Real Story.

Update: If you have followed my story over the years, you will know that I have been obsessed with numbers for a long time. Definitely since both my parents died in the year 2013.

After all this time I still do not know the full reason how and why it all got started. I can tell you that it has made a huge imprint in my life. Sometimes I feel a little smarter, and at other times I feel like I was grossly mislead.

Today the world feels completely different than it was when I began this journey. The world appears to have fallen off its track. Maybe, the world has always been this way. Perhaps this number journey forced me to open my eyes.

People on the ground who follow the news, the stock market, and any data set, can tell you that the numbers do not always tell you the reality of life on the ground, on the front lines, and in the trenches. Real life is a lot messier than the numbers can show. Many truths can hide in this mess.

People like to throw numbers around to justify their decisions, and to make it look like they are making the correct policy decisions. The tricky part is that the numbers tell different stories to different people. And unfortunately, those with enough power can manipulate the numbers to their advantage. Sometimes the data set is so small (compared to the whole) that it is irrelevant in the big picture.

When my life felt like it was spinning out of control, I was made to think that I could use the numbers to control my world. What I discovered was that the numbers controlled me, but only to the degree that I allowed. If I let the numbers fall into the background of my life, I have much more control of it, and much more control of my happiness.

There is power in the idea of “mind over matter.” You can use this power to create motivation. My actions can take matter and mold it into something useful and hopefully something beneficial for others.

Data takes only a snapshot of one moment in time. Life on the ground, on the front lines, and in the trenches cannot be fully defined in a snapshot. If you look only at data sets, you can be grossly mislead.

The Green Man Leaves

Winter arrived with her chilling winds and frost.

The Green Man held on until the calendar and clock made it clear his time was up.

Icicles can be seen outside the kitchen window. The sharp and pointy daggers keep me inside. The warmth from the oven and the smell of cinnamon comfort me.

I wonder where the Green Man has gone. I know he will return when the seasons grant his entry. My memory of his curlicue mustache and his long nimble fingers, digging in the fertile earth, keeping the garden alive and growing, will stay with me, and give me hope through the shivering months to come.

An active Green man season from the past.

A Grateful Heart

As 2021 comes to an end, I feel grateful, although it has been a tough year.

As I ran errands, and shopped for food and presents this holiday season, I saw evidence of several closed businesses, and I saw evidence of new beginnings and new shops. Sorrow and hope has mixed together in this tumultuous year. Change is definitely in the air.

Redefining goals and expectations can work out to be beneficial for most people. As an older woman, I have confronted age discrimination this year, and this has been disheartening, especially coming from a woman, not far behind me in age. I have to remind myself that discrimination often stems from fear.

I have been encountering more older workers out in the workforce helping me in stores, and other places. I have to say that they have given me above average service, sometimes bordering on unbelievably good compared to what is expected these days.

Women and age expectations are a problem. I have known several women of child-bearing age that do not desire to have children or to be married. Sometimes they are pestered by friends or family about their plans for children or whether they have a special man in their life. Leave them alone, and do not ask the questions you know make them feel uncomfortable.

I wish people could really see each other as individuals, apart from societal expectations. Let people be themselves. Respect individual decisions. Just because a person does not follow social guidelines in their personal lives, it does not mean that they are a threat to you.

My eyes have been opened wide this year, and I cannot say that all that I have seen has been pleasant. However, it has given me a renewed gratefulness for things that I have taken for granted in the past.

I see the year 2022 as a year of hope. Change is inevitable with everything that has happened in our nation and worldwide since the arrival of Covid-19.

I, for one, will say thanks, and give thanks, and feel grateful for all that I have in my life. I do also hope to share more with those less fortunate than myself.

Traditions

Not all traditions should be honored. Some long held beliefs and customs serve only a select group. And some spread a feeling of hope and goodwill for all people. Hold onto the latter ones.

Traditions are hard to break. We are all taught from birth to respect the way of life of our families and communities. These relationships, and the habits they create, form the framework of our lives. The threat of being ostracized is ever-present. Our places seem to be predetermined.

I went to college because everyone in my immediate family was either in college or had graduated with a degree or two. I was and still am the youngest. I could have benefited from waiting until I had a better idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I don’t remember feeling like I had an option. In any case, I attended and graduated without any honors. I felt lucky to have a diploma after four years. I think I was an embarrassment to my father.

The good news is my life has progressed down the road of life, and now a little more than forty years later, I can say I have learned many things in my life, and most of these things have been taught out of school.

I always marvel at people who say that if they had to live their life over again, they would not change a thing. I can’t help but think that they are either lying, delusional, or possibly they have led an exceptionally rare life. I think most people would change something along the way. Though, this might require hindsight or foresight, depending on where you are standing.

But then again, remembering the ripple effect of any change, I might hesitate. The whole trajectory could be vastly different than it is now. There is no guarantee that some wiser choices would have landed me in a better place.

So, here I am on the eve of Christmas Eve, planning and executing the special meals I will be cooking over the next several days. I cooked a seafood stew the day after Thanksgiving. It was such a success with my husband and daughter, I will be cooking it again tomorrow, and I also hope to make a peppermint cheesecake. The recipe does not use cream cheese; instead, it uses a light Ricotta cheese. I will post a picture if I am successful.

P.S. The above picture was posted the day after writing this.

The Simple Things in Life

This Thanksgiving is a celebration of the simple things in life: a windowsill, a Sunday morning breakfast, a good cup of coffee.

The sun is shining. A grocery trip is being planned. A list is being made. I’m thinking ahead to cooler days of oven cooking.

The holiday season is upon us once again.

The jars of Jet-Puffed marshmallow creme are waiting to be made into a walnut fudge. This is a tribute to my father, he was a Christmas candy-maker.

My husband is a bread-maker. He likes to grind the fresh wheat berries into flour. He has not made any in awhile.

Once again our holiday decorations will be simple. A table top tree will suffice. The bird ornaments go with all our natural decor.

The spirit of the season is alive and well. Giving thanks for all the bounty of life, and for my loved ones around me.

Next month a special birthday will be celebrated. Tradition will be honored as the spirit of giving continues.

“Bread Upon the Waters” –Ecclesiastes 11:1

The word bread has been entering my thoughts frequently this past week.

Over a week ago I was thinking about the word sacrament which lead me to the word eucharist, which is known by many as the Holy Communion. This is a ritual commemoration of Jesus’s last supper with his disciples. It comes from Greek eucharistia for “thanksgiving”. And “breaking bread” is a way of saying you are sharing your food with family and friends.

This week I got into a conversation with a boy in one of my classes about cooking. He told me that he likes to cook. When I asked him, “What do you like to cook?” , he responded that he liked to cook bread, and he specifically mentioned Monkey Bread.

I let our conversation end since school work was waiting for his attention. After school I researched Monkey Bread since I was unfamiliar with this name. I found a very easy recipe using Pillsbury Grand Biscuits. While I was looking at pictures of Monkey Bread, I thought it looked like it would be perfect for breaking bread with my family this coming Thanksgiving.

Just the other day I was picking up laundry detergent at the store, and I saw a large wall filled with Oreo cookies. Normally, I try to avoid these since they can be very addictive. Something made me take a closer look, and this is when I saw the Limited Edition Gingerbread Oreos .

As you can see the breads I have been seeing this week are both sweet breads. This thought made me remember a Persian meal I was served in Paris long ago.

There are sweet breads and then there are sweetbreads. “Sweetbreads” have a very misleading name because they are not sweet nor are they bread. They are the thymus and pancreas glands of animals.

When I was served a meal of sweetbreads long ago, it was whispered to me that it was pig brains, so I am not sure what I ate. I did not eat very much of it despite the risk of being rude to our host.

Historians think they are called sweetbreads because they are richer and more delicate than typical meats, and they are breads because the old English word for flesh was “braed”.

Today I am focused on the phrase…”bread upon the waters”… What does this mean? There are many interpretations of this phrase. The one I like has to do with spreading goodness into the world without the expectation of getting anything back in return.

This is an attitude I would like to adopt because expectations can set you up for disappointment and resentment, which is even worse. I would like to try and spread goodness for its own sake, and for no other reason.

As you can see here, words can be very tricky and have different meanings for different people. Words are symbols and language is an art form. When one is trying to understand the written word, we should look beyond our own personal connection to the words, and look into the history of their roots.

When reading the words of those that have lived before us, we cannot always rely on our first interpretation of their words. The author’s intention is not always how we interpret it.

The Sacrum, Our “Holy Bone”

The image used here is a Getty image taken from here : https://www.verywellhealth.com

The sacrum is a triangular shaped bone located at the base of our spine.

It joins to a hip bone on each side of our body, and it forms part of our pelvis.

According to anatomy experts, it is a fusion of vertebrae that helps humans to walk.

The sacrum is an anchor point that holds the spinal column together with the pelvis.

Humans need a larger sacrum than other mammals because we walk upright.

The sacrum needs to be robust to give us extra stability for balance and mobility.

If you look up the word “sacrum”, you will learn that it means “sacred” in Latin. The Romans apparently called it “os sacrum”, which translates to the “holy bone”, and the Greeks called this bone “hieron osteon”, which also translates to the “holy bone”.

Back in the summer of 2013 I had a vivid dream which started me on my crazy journey of numbers and visions, and it gave me a feeling of disconnection and uneasiness. This feeling and way of thinking was prolonged and took me many years of emotional struggle to overcome.

In this vivid dream it felt as if a light being was inside of me. I was reminded today of this event because during that dream it felt as if this light entity had touched my lower back at the base of my spine. I remember thinking and wondering why had it touched me there. I was trying to get it to touch the heart in my chest.

Today when the words sacred and sacrament came into my mind, my thoughts and research led me to the word “sacrum”. Now, I think this is where the light being had touched me way back then. I don’t really know what this all means. I think my mind is still trying to make sense of what happened to me. Thankfully, I have recovered from the madness for the most part, though stray thoughts linger from time to time.

I am at peace with myself and my God.

Water Under the Bridge

Hopefully, the water under your bridge flows freely like a river.

A stench can arise in stagnate water unless care is taken to maintain it.

Time is like the flowing river under a bridge.

It constantly moves in one direction.

When you look down the water is never the same.

Change is inevitable.

Bottles with notes are carried away.

You can watch it for a while, but never forever.

We do not have the vision of God.

We must accept there are forces beyond our human control.

We can run simulations in hopes of forecasting the future.

However, even the best simulations cannot possibly predict

All the factors in an open system.

We must be humble, and not imagine powers we do not have.

Hocus Pocus Focus

Many things can hide in plain sight. It can be very frustrating to look and look for something that has been right under my nose the whole time.

It can be both startling and unnerving when I can suddenly see magic in the natural world. By magic I mean something so incredibly rare and beautiful that it defies logic, and it is more incredible when it is found in unlikely places.

The truth is the beauty has always been there. It is my vision that has been too selective and narrow.

How can our vision miss these things? Why isn’t our vision wider and more encompassing?

When our velocity is moving too fast we can miss many things we pass without seeing. Also our minds have a tendency to discount and dismiss things we feel are unimportant. Our mind and our vision narrows down to one track as we race toward a goal. When we slow down and open our minds and our hearts, our vision can expand and have more depth. When this happens we are less likely to miss miracles that can hide in plain sight.

My goal this year is to search for all the talent that is hidden in our students that might have been missed in the past.

Subtle Lane

I once lived on a Subtle Lane. It was a lane that ended since it looped around like a horseshoe or a cul-de-sac.

To get there you had to drive on a Hunter Road and then enter a Blue-Gate Lane, which led to Subtle Lane.

I like the word “subtle”. It comes from Latin “sub”– meaning beneath plus “tela”–meaning weaving.

It is interesting to think that we lived beneath the weaving.

My old house number is another story.

Behind the fence along our backyard property line lived John Riggins of Redskin fame. It was rumored he had a pig or pigs that lived back there behind the fence. I never saw evidence of this nor did I ever see him.

This was during the era of “The Hogs” of Redskin fame. They were the offensive line that protected John Riggins and Joe Theismann. “The Hogs” helped the Redskins under coach Joe Gibbs win three Super Bowl championships.

And then there were the “hogettes”. They were a group of men that were huge fans. They would dress up in old lady drag outfits and they would wear pig snout noses. They would cheer on the team looking like this.

Their era has ended. The Redskins have recently been pressured to change their team name in order to be more culturally sensitive.

I never really got into watching football. My father’s favorite team was the Kansas City Chiefs.

As for Subtle Lane, we lived in a nice house with a pool in the backyard. My parent’s marriage ended there.